Damn You, Daylight Savings...

As my frequent reader, nay, army of fan may remember, I posted a blog back on Thursday, November 02, 2006 conerning the perplexing science of time travel. More specifically if eating tons of rubbish during the hour you eliminate during the winter Daylight Savings change over would in fact add weight or simply cease to exist since the hour also ceased to exist...

As you can see, yes, yes it does...

There I was all slim, strapped in to my bikini and ready for summer then at the stroke of midnight like the pumpkin in Cinderella (in fact I could BE the pumpkin in Cinderella) it all came back to bite me on my enormous arse...

Let this be a lesson to you boys and girls... unless you have a flux capacotor and a strange yet somehow appealing scientist friend who is not at all creepy for hanging out with 17 year old boys, LEAVE WELL ALONE...

Driving Me Crazy...



So I had my millionth driving lesson on Saturday. Well alright not my millionth but it's been a lot and I am still shaking before I click the seat belt on.

I'll get there, I am sure because as i constantly remind myself; there are some retards out there with licenses so it can't be that hard. Although to be honest, it's the retards that bother me. Or more specifically the retards hurtling along at 70mph in a giant steel projectile aimed at me.

Those of you that know me know this has been an ongoing process and i know that those of you that know me are probably sick and tired about hearing my white knuckled tales of motorist's woe nearly as much as you are driving my pikey butt places. However, for those of you that have not as of yet shared my shame, I had to share this Nate classic...

I have been having lessons for a few months now- that is to say I have gone through 3 teachers who have probably in turn gone through 30 bottles of Zanax and Vodka just to blur the terror from their memories.

I have had some bad experiences with the last school I was using- more to the point with my original teacher who is in fact Satan in heels... I am 28, foreign and terrified so making me drive on the highway 10 minutes after sitting in the car I felt was a tad optimistic!!

Shall we just say, I was 'put off'?! So like Goldilocks in an ever running quest to find just the right teacher, I decided to take a stab at some listings online and see which the punters out there in the real world though was the best. I picked a reputable firm and booked a lesson. I tell you this because I feel the randomness of the situation only adds to the horror...

Anyway, I met my new instructor on Saturday. He was a nice guy, kinda firm but nice and to be honest i need that. He put me at ease and before too long I was babbling away comfortably about my previous driving experiences and the evil cow that had introduced me to the motoring world. Oh yes and when I say 'babbling away' I mean basically slagging her off like nobody's business because after all, this guy is independent AND in direct competition with her so I felt it was safe to assume he would agree...

After I pause for air in between curse words, my new instructor takes the invisible shovel from my hands and mentions that in fact he used to work for [said] driving school. 'Really?' I say, 'well you must know first hand how tough she can be'.

"oh yes," he says "except I don't caller her Sarah..."

"I CALL HER MUM!!"

Shit...shitty...shit... So basically I spent the entire morning slating his Mum and her driving school- with a liberal smattering of the B word...

What the hell is WRONG with me?? I swear I am cursed or something... in the way that rich children are born with a silver spoon in their mouths, I was born with my foot permanently wedges in my soft pallette...